Life + Train = Lifetrain?

Well life seems to have it's ups and downs in time. Lules and rushes. To this very second(about 1 minutes after I open this back up again) I don't know why I am writing here, since it seems like I have kind of given up on my blog. My wife kind of knows what I do everyday even if I do leave some of the more graphic details out of it. I continue to tease her everyday so that hasn't changed. Most of what I do on here was that. But it might be that right now I'm bored waiting for my proctor to get here, or it could be that I don't really explain much about my life. I might also be that a 3 month lapse was enough to make it so I could come back refreshed(ish). I'm almost done my 5th semester of medical school now. Currenly on my 5th rotation, 6th if you count my study time at home. Radiology is my new rotation which is quite a bit different than my last ones. In many ways it seems. Radiology is different than most other specialties in general. Sitting in dark offices looking at CT scans, MRIs, XR films, US, or Mammograms. However the differences don't just stop there. As a student in a busy office here, the doctor doesn't have time to stop and explain every little detail to me, show me exactly where he is looking and what he is looking for. In fact this particular doctor manages not only all the radiography of Astoria, but 2 other practices in Louisiana, and a New Orleans parish prison's radio graphs. So the hours are long, starting early and ending late. In addition I'll be coming in on the weekends with the doctor for anything that comes during those days. Instead of learning all the nuances of radiography, instead when interesting and different diagnosis come in I look them up, refresh myself on them and come up with a ddx, or try to at least. I study up on what would be the most advantageous model of radiography to ask for each clinical diagnosis. We do some interventional radiology as well such as barium swallows, epidural steroid injections, abscess drainage etc. Well those are what we've done so far, we might be doing some bone aspiration in a week or two as well. Anyway radiology is definitely off my list of what I might want to specialize in, although I hope that this month will be learnative for me. Even if I'm not interested in a specialty there is always learning for when I go to practice I can understand the science/art of medicine better than if I just focused on my individual practice with no outside understanding. Thanksgiving time is almost upon us, and we won't be going to the family trip this year. Well I guess Kristen could but somehow I don't see camping as her preferred choice of how to celebrate Thanksgiving. Especially with my family. Not that she hates us of course, she loves my family of course. But love comes in small doses (apparently she doesn't understand that tickling and light forms of physical torture equate to love {love you babe}). So what we'll do for Thanksgiving I don't know yet. I don't even think Kristen knows. Since she's pregnant I don't think that long term planning is really a forte of hers right now. She has become an expert at nap taking though. Although to be honest she is up when I get home these days. Although that could be because I am getting home 7-8 at night instead of 4-5 and so her 4 hour nap is done by the time I get home. I have also been told to make a better effort to leave anything marriage related out of this blog, and by marriage related anything she wouldn't want her family to know about especially with a 8 yo sister. So not marriage as in "marriage" but marriage as in MARRIAGE... hint hint nudge nudge sort of thing. I don't really know where the line is drawn since what I think is appropriate and what Kristen thinks is appropriate is obviously separated by a wide gulf. In fact I did have a funny story about what my wife watched the other night... but I cannot write it sadly. Anyway. So for Christmas I have Sarah and my brother-in-law Aaron who just got off his mission and is engaged to his soon-to-be wife in January I believe. I have been told to keep all presents PG or nicer(since when have I ever done anything else). Funny thing is that we had Aaron for last Christmas as well, not that it matters of course. Still can't believe I have to keep this blog PG just in case someone reads this(not that they will, but have to keep up appearences). As usual not much to go on, so I'll look around and figure out something they would enjoy having from the heart... usually weird things that no one ever knows about but are like... that's totally awesome afterwards. Getting kind of exhausted at my radiology rotation so I'm going to end this I guess. After 12 hours I don't know what to say anymore I lost my train of thought so rather than try to get it back. I'll gracefully exit

Definiton

So basically I'm at the point in my life that all weeks are starting to run together. I don't know what I did, or when I did it. This week, last week, it's all the same. Big things this week. I finally got a new phone. I needed something to get all the medical apps people are expecting me to bring to the hospital. Way too many books have been being carried around for such a little effect. Hopefully this phone situation will improve things tremendously. I got a Galaxy SIII not the cheapest phone but pretty cheap and affordable while being able to do the things I need for it to do. I participated in several minor surgeries this week as well. I participated in a punch biopsy of suspected melenoma in a lady's foot. I basically injected anesthetia in to her foot then used a screwdriver like device to cut a circle around it... cut out the connective tissue keeping it on, then sowed her back up afterwards. There were two lesions technically. Dr. Baxter did one lesion and I did the other. Mine might have bleed a bit more than his, but we got it together in the end. The next surgery was a cyst on a lady's back we extracted. that was pretty cool but nasty at the same time. I also have been seeing more and more patients by myself to help Dr. Baxter keep up with his schedule. Since his nurse practitioner retired a few weeks ago, he's been very busy. We get done ~20-25 visits a day. It's kind of exhausting in the end but fun. I see a lot of the members of the church in his office. For everyone that is reading this I do have a new email address... zachary.s.morrill@gmail.com. That is the email address linked to my phone. I didn't want to be getting a whole lot of spam on my phone when it should be mostly for important, non-gaming type of things. So I got it, you guys are blessed to be previe to this occasion so I am graciously inviting you to partake of it. Gratiuito We had the missionaries over last night and they told us to watch this movie called Unicorn City, by the makers of Napoleon Dynamite. It was so bad it was pretty good. For one watching. Never again. You guys have to see it. It's about LARPing etc. Embarrassing comment of the week was brought to you by Kristen Morrill. We were talking about something I don't remember what and she made some comment about the Morrill boys being horny... don't remember why she said that. But let's just say that out of everyone in this relationship here, someone is definitely more ... biased towards the intimiate relationships, than the other... and it isn't me. So anyway she said that and I looked at here at raised my eyebrows and was like," my family is horny?" She got a little shy then. I have made a new friend here in the area apparently. A pharmacist at the hospital is in EQ. We talk if we are in lunch together, which is about once a week. I am still playing LoL, and it turns out that my soon to be brother-in-law is one that plays that game as well. So we'll see how that goes. Still looking for a new hobby. It's a hard life. Now that we're out of school for the most part, not a lot of ppl getting on our old games together. I guess everyone has heard about the zimmerman case and the results. I am almost ready to get off facebook permenantly because people all seem to know exactly what is the truth and push it on others. I can't stand the hubris of people lately. Funny that the previous sentence just came from me. But it's true. The more I learn, the more I want to go off into the wilderness and watch civilization burn... I don't know that much else has happened. Oh yeah Kristen and I did go across the big scary bridge that heads into Washington and went to check out a sandcastle competition. It was pretty nice. there were a couple of "master" class teams out there. I don't know which one won since we left a bit before they were actually judged. But blame Kristen. She was reminder to take a jacket etc. and everything, but when the time came to actually go of course she forgets. She even refused to use my jacket for most of it till she got too cold to withstand it all. She finally caved in at the end and wanted it. Still it was a nice adventure before she leaves and abandons me for Texas.

Rotations

I guess I should keep writing in this, especially since I don't really talk to anyone outside this house anymore. Now that it's my 3rd year, even though I don't know if I've passed my boards (thanks everyone btw for fasting/praying, for those that did). I'm in a family medicine practice helping out an inactive LDS member as it turns out. They have a nice family, and I'm learning a lot of really cool things. Mostly things I swore I'd be able to identify but when I see it in real life, I'm like wtf mate... the good wtf not the bad one. Anyway I've seen some weird things, some things that aren't even in some of my books/or even wikipedia. I know that's the weird part. I've seen my own patients already but nothing too bad. I've also seen MRSA up close, had to make sure my hands and arms were well washed after that one. It's a totally different experience than school, but very cool as well as freaky and scares the bejibbers out of me when I'm in talking to patients alone, because after I go out and report to the physician he quizzes me etc. Still scared that I actually didn't pass the boards but at this point just have to take it on faith, keep praying, and hope. Well I hope that every Sunday I write more about the week and what I saw/did, and all that good stuff. Maybe now that I'm in clinical rotations it will be more routine and the things I can say will be more interesting than the normal we studied this week blah blah blah. I know that wasn't the most interesting of stuff. By the way if you haven't seen Monsters University yet don't go see it. Worst movie I've seen all year, including the horrible B natural disaster movies on netflick. Yes it was that terrible. And I'll try to get this done before 10 P.M. on Sunday night... Oh yeah Kristen passed out today... like passed out bam fall passed out... like drank too much passed out while pursing in the cupboards... oh well one more thing to tease her about during our time together. It wasn't anything serious just some othrostatic hypotension when she suddenly stood up, but still it was pretty funny. Although to be honest all I saw was the plump on the floor, I didn't get to see any of the spinning or anything like that. Well it's time to let you all go, nothing big but I'll let you guys know next Sunday all the best things

Truckin

Perpetual state of tiredness and sleepiness has entered my life. Who ever thought that getting up at 7:30 would take up so much effort? Not I. Finished another class, dermatology. And yes it is a rash, no I don't know what the different kinds are, and yes it looks gross. That's about what I took away from this class. The most useless class I've ever gone to I think. Funny, they said that after GI, we'd be spending a lot of time board studying and prepping for boards, but no we were doing derm all the time, maybe it's different now. Who knows. Things are spinning up here. With CPEs(clinical boards) and the end of the school year coming soon, it's getting pretty hectic. Since I'm officially through all my system classes with the completion of derm yesterday(I got an 87 in the class) I don't know how to proceed really. Other than I want to lay down and sleep a few hours even though it's only 8:40 in the morning. Our next classes are emergency medicine, and pediatrics at the same time. Emergency medicine is pretty different, basically I've seen a bunch weird things, the normal broken bones, and unusual stuff such as a scalping, burn victims, bullet to the head, car accidents, all the problems and problem solving in emergency situations. I realize I don't really want to do anything like that. Too many times you miss something small and they die before you even know. ruptured spleen with trauma, intra-abdominal bleeding with chest palpitations, shock, and I don't really want to be responsible for losing a life over stuff like that. Even if you're not at fault that'd take the psyche out for a beating in the back room. So life is going to get hectic here pretty soon. Boards, prep for moving, moving, rotations, getting ready for the 4th year. And with all this, I just want to go and take a nap. Kristen's birthday is coming up here in about a week and me being prepared have already bought a present... I'm totally on top of things right now(ish). And no it's not lingerie, it's a real present. Can't get away with that anymore like in the first year of marriage. Conference was good. I listened to all 10 hours and still passed my final so God does still exist. Although on Saturday i was studying in between sessions and was so exhausted that when I went to priesthood session I basically was asleep before they dimmed the lights... Just sitting down and not studying was too much I think... I didn't sleep the whole way through, just the first talk or so. They always save the best speakers last so I was okay anyway. Anyway I should get back to class since it's going on right now. Just throwing this out there since some people don't live in the USofA and other don't answer their phones, like ever.

GI business

Updates are slow here sorry guys. But at least I am updating and fyi for those of you who call me, my phone is horrible remember, and you can always text asking for a conversation. Or even answer the phone when I call you =) Anyway latest news. If you don't know by now after a scare with my reproduction grade(lowest test score in medical school so far) I managed to pull an 87 out of the hat and pass the class easily. The next 2 tests, EOC week and this GI test have come and gone and I managed to pass this GI test with a 76. A little under the average but I feel that I know the material confidently. I just don't really test well, and knowing what material to study and what is extra has always been a weakness with me in medical school. Unlike in physics where everything lead to everything else and you need to know to manipulate data more than remember random weird facts. I am also getting into board studies now. I have been using some q-banks for the last few days/weeks/months. I am hitting about a 50% which for the beginning isn't so bad. Relearning all the material is horrible to say the least but it's progress. I am taking the COMLEX up in Seattle actually the 18th I believe. Or week right before my rotations start. Also all the other juicy news. Kristen had the when do we want children talk. It lasted about 5 minutes basically. This is when... ok... good talk... bedtime. Other news we're going to be making a visit to Astoria during spring break to check out living conditions and all that good stuff. We're still teaching 5-6 year olds in primary. Kristen said the most horrible thing earlier Sunday... That she is going to stop bringing snacks every week for them :-O> I know.... no snacks normally now... is the church really true anymore???????!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! This is the problem with this... I know that there are lots of people who want more information but I really don't have a clue what to write so leave a message in the message box and I'll be back later with the replies...

Looking Back

One weekend away from completing the first year of medical school. Would I have done this if I had know beforehand the amount of time and how different, as well as what I would have to lose and change in my life. Probably but I wish that I had know this before I came here. The learning curve was steep indeed. I might even have gone on to do a masters in anesthesiology or maybe even a Ph.D before applying to medical school. Lived life for a few years before getting everything ripped away. On the other hand if I hadn't gotten married in December, probably never would have gotten married in school, because let's face it, I have no time. I might steal time from other things but there is never enough time to do everything. And let's face it there are no LDS girls up here either

Don't trip at the finish line

Well about 3 weeks after my last post I get back again. I know most of you reading this probably don't know too too much about my history, but once again these 3 weeks have taught me one thing. I will not be a psychiatrist. Sorry Dr. Thomas it's a no go. Unless I did really really horrible on my OSCE last week I should be fine in this class. I did under average(again) but well enough to not worry too badly. I hate behavior medicine stuff. Coming out of it, they said we had 17 questions by the crazy guy who cannot teach worth a dikins and asks questions that you cannot understand what he wants. Needless to say I studied his things for hours, as well as the drugs/pharmocology, but there were only 5 questions from Dr. Martin and the pharm was about the most horrible thing you can imagine. Think of studying all these drugs and knowing the drugs and then they go in saying the patient has a prescription(not naming it) and has a side effect. In a drug could you also give, what is the 2nd drugs side effect. Yeah you already have a hard time figuring out the first drug, harder remembering what the side effects are. Going from there, you're snowballing. Basically you see a bunch of different possible side effects and are like, well I recognize this one so I'm going with that. Love medical school, I just love it. I guess I could study another 15 hours a week(it's theoretically possible) but I just cannot see the use for that, although Kristen might disagree. For those of you out there looking for a new video game, even though none of you are since only Kristen, Sarah, and maybe Sara read this, I would suggest league of legend, look me up madphysics ;) Um 3 more weeks of school and a 3 day holiday coming up. Kristen has been hinting rather strongly about doing something outside this weekend for memorial day. Anyway you go girls!

He Lives!

Almost a month later, sicknesses, tests, classes, it's been an uphill road. Passed Neuro I found out late last night, and am I glad. Neurology is supposed to be the hardest class. As of now, we still have 2 more classes plus plenty of minor details to wrap up in ECM and other classes etc, but the worst is behind me. I'm actually just sitting here in behavior medicine and psych listening about physical and psychological dependence, and it is boring as heck... if that is a correct way of saying something. So about these last few tests I've had. About half the class has failed each one, as usual they lied to us saying after the first test things get easier, 2nd test was harder than the first(which I passed the 2nd one that is), and then the last test we just had Monday. The 3rd test was supposed to be a piece of cake and I got in there and was like ???? WHAT? So maybe I'm just getting better with educated test guessing. It was so bad, let's just say we went to the equivalent of Denny's up here and about half our group order alcohol, and it wasn't even 12 yet. I went home got in the shower and curled up in the fetal position for about 30 minutes. It was a wonderful test taking time for me. Another note you guys all know Sam is getting married, go Sam. Wonder what Jinaquinn is thinking??? Is she that desperate? Love you Sam. Soccer is going with the new season, and we're still sucking it up hard core. But it's fun to get out and play every week, I think it's worth the $45 to play since it seem impossible for ppl to just go out and play for free. On another note just about 5-6 weeks of school are left in my first semester of medical school. How crazy is that. Thinking back on all the things I know now, and all the things I've forgotten it's crazy. 10 months of getting information beat into my head, and some of it has stuck, some of it hasn't. Still getting over the throat virus, I'm not even coughing that much anymore, but definitely have a sore throat, although it might just be from coughing so much, and having to heal. I am getting better. Kristen on the other hand is depressed that she is still sick. She feels like that she's been sick for the past month and is never going to get better. On top of that there is no sun right now. No bright lights, and it's kind of chilly. The worst part of this new class is that I have to go to an AA/NA meeting alone and endure and go along with everything. Apparently small communities don't really enjoy 100+ students suddenly invading their substance abuse programs, but oh well. I came, I studied, I went to AA/NA meetings. Well that is about the whole of my life. OH one more thing girls, since I doubt any guys read this. If you're still into fruit smoothie making, buy a cranberry drink concentrate and put 1/4 to 1/3 into the smoothie. It makes everything so much nicer I've found out. Zac's helpful hint #284.1b Peace

The Saga Continues

Well it's just over the half-way point in this class, about 3/5s actually and I just finished the 2nd Neuro exam and got a 74% on it. I know it's not as good as I want but the average was 74% and I've realized that I don't get out of the 1st standard deviation anymore. Not here, I'm not the cream of the crop anymore. But oh well, I passed and as long as I keep passing, things should turn out okay. Next week is the OMM practical final and written final. Now that is more troublesome. I hope that I do better there than last time. I really need to do well there. I'll be studying OMM most of the week, intermixed with Neuro at times when I need to get away.

On that note, Kristen came down with some flu or something this weekend. Actually when I woke up she had an eye glued shut with some mucopurulent pus. It was weird actually seeing something that I was just studying for Monday's test. I felt weird being like yeah, put a warm compress on that and keep it warm, like I actually knew something. Anyway she's still down and out, although she keeps telling me she's getting better.

I am missing the ready made food everywhere. And the cookies since she's been sick no cookies at all have been made. Not that she HAS to make them, but it's always nice to come home to a full cookie jar. Although so many cookies these last 3 months, I kind of liked the brownies that were made for Easter dinner with Dan, Kristie, and Dan's S.O.

Soccer is over for the season, next one starts I'm not sure, but I let Stotz know I would be interested in next season, we'll hear from here at some point. I was keeper last game we lost 6-4, but they were a good hispanic team... The problem was the guys in our team would be defending and try to dribble it around them just outside the box and of course they'd get it taken away... it was pretty close for a while but in the end with everyone tired, they let more through than I could handle.

Anyway class is over so peace... I'm out

Drudgery

Bad Zac, I know not writing like like 2 weeks. Anyways it's been a crazy couple of weeks with this last class, OMM, and ECM all rolled into one. Passed another class happily, and this one means I'm actually getting better at guessing because it wasn't because I knew what the heck they were asking about half the time. It's kind of like 3 or 4th questions. The we expect you to know the basics and the under the basics, but out of everything let's make you think and hope you get a 3rd order question. Anyway next test is a week away so it's time to get cracking for that.

I don't have much information for you guys this round I'm sorry. I did pass Blood and Lymph. I am doing service at the high school. Other than that life is pretty rough for Kristen since I'm gone all the time and don't ever seem to do much with her. But maybe she doesn't hate me too much by the end of the school year/end of medical school.

Zac

Winds of Change

I know that it's bad writing in class, but when the professor is just going over his slides I have a hard time concentrating. Although this guy is a clinician, so he isn't giving a whole lot of extra information, just repeating what we already know or should know, and need to know next Tuesday.
Theses new classes aren't as bad as straight memorizing but it isn't exactly what I thought it was either, but at least now we're learning what actually drugs/diseases/etc are all about. It's no longer memorize all 400 gazillion g-proteins in the body and know which point mutations are bad for each one etc etc. Now it's just know 50 different blood diseases, their symptoms and clinical features, as well as the treatment for each one. Which while boring is new information at least. I did not like the HIV part though. Mainly because it was all about the 2000 drugs.
Other than that, my small group that meets every other day or so and goes over the medical cases is made out of all mormon married men, so that's interesting.
Other than that, I've yet to get a perfect score on our case quizzes, I always miss one, and lately they have been because of stupid things in my head. I don't think about it the right way even after looking at it. I read something get the wrong impression and don't correct it until after the test. I hate it. These quizzes are supposed to be bringing up my test scores supposedly. I doubt that it will happen

End of an Era

Well, sorry about the wait, I know I was supposed to be doing this more often but this last week was panic stricken. I got sick this weekend, had to study for my IDIT final and hope to pass it so that I could pass the class. Sick and test don't mix well with fun down time.

Anyway, big things in the news. I started playing in an indoor soccer league, and we won our first match 3-2, but to be fair they were two easy balls that the keeper should have gotten. At the half we switched keepers and they started playing much better but luckily the keeper managed to save them all. There were a lot of people there for the first game, as they usually are. Probably will end up with about half the number by the end of the season. Since I was sick I wasn't up to my usual standard, but I don't think that I played poorly, just I did best on defense since I couldn't quite get the ball to go in. We also didn't pass very well that game so that could have been part of it too.

Sunday like I said to some of you, I got a calling in churhc. Kristen and I are primary co-teachers or whatever that is. I don't know what it means exactly but I sit with the kids and Kristen teaches. I don't know if this is the bishop trying to get up to have kids. but if it is, this is the wrong way to go about doing it.

I don't know if I mentioned it last time, but the 2nd midterm I basically bombed pretty hard core, which is sad because I thought that I knew the stuff pretty well. It's hard to go into a test feeling confident, and look at the first questions and go, "oh shoot". It didn't get better. So this week I study 7 days straight basically ignored my wife and studied hardcore. I thought I knew it down pat, and I went into the test today and was like holy cow. The easy guy, Dr. Mata, our pharm professor went all ape crazy and like on the test. Does anyone out there know all 14 Ceflasporins? No? Me neither, and he had them written out like we were supposed to know them. Luckily all that studied I scrapped by with another P in a class. I was getting pretty frustrated because my friend plays WoT all the time (yes I showed it to him) and he basically doesn't study, and always does well. But at least this time I beat him, on this test and the class overall. That's a relief, I hate going into tests thinking that I might not survive medical school if I don't pass this test.

It was my birthday today so that was an awesome birthday present to pass a class. I did end up playing SC2 for a bit today trying to unwind. I got a text/call from Dan saying we should go eat at Shari's tonight, kind of like a Denny's. Kristen finally came home after leaving her phone at the house so I didn't know where she was, and we had dinner paid for by the study group. That was my birthday, so it went well.

I have another game this weekend, Friday I believe, it should be fun, get some stress off and kick something. I'll try to have Kristen take pictures or something so I can get more color out to you guys. You guys as in Sarah, Sara, (Kristen lives here), and I don't know who else reads this if anyone does, so yeah!

Anyway tomorrow is starting Blood and Lymphatics so I'm off to bed

First Hurdle

Well baring all the scores changing and me doing worse than I have in the past I pasted the first hurdle of this semester of medical school. I got exactly average apparently 88 out of 108 questions. Somehow I have given up trying to excel in the classes. But I hope that I at least get average more or less. Ever since I've been married, it seems a whole lot more intense and bearing. I feel like I have to get better scores and do more since now it's not just myself I am going to school for, but rather Kristen is depending more on me. That sucks.
Got a call from Sarah today, or rather I called her twice and she finally picked up so I am stockpiling Sobe Adrenalins for my dad for father's day apparently.
Maybe I should start looking at cruise liner costs now that the liner crashed this last weekend. A horrible tragedy, but if it makes cruises more affordable maybe something good comes out of bad things.
I am at a lost of what to do today... I have all this time but none of the video games I currently have aren't too appealing, what to do, what to do. It would help if we have something at our house, but we don't, we have basically a bare house. I guess I'll put pictures up when I find a website to post pictures. I've gotten tired putting everything on facebook. Until then don't worry, I have the pictures of the house on my computer saved so just need time. I might do that when I get home in a few minutes.
Well it's a relief that the test is over, hope everything is good out there
ZAC

Back to School

For the few of you who so avidly looked forward to my infrequent writings, I must apologize since the new wife, cruise, and driving back up to Oregon has sapped away my time to do really anything.
Yesterday I was driving in the heart of northern California forests and trying not to fall asleep or hit a deer. The next day I am back in school wishing I had more time to sleep. I didn't sleep enough this vacation, dang schedule lol. I was waking up on the cruise at around 7-730 every day,which is totally unacceptable in my opinion. So I wish I had all the time in the world to write something nice to say,and explain everything to you all, or you 2-3. But I don't, I am actually writing in the middle of class so I can listen and not fall asleep in class(since they are here in Lebanon today). But I wish I could not pay so much attention and give you guys all the juice details about the last 3 weeks of my life, but you'll just have to actually get in touch with me in real life to hear about anything cool.
What else could I say to wet your whistle? I have no clue, although the cruise was amazing. If any one wants to go on a cruise with us, just let us know.
Till next time

Final Push

Well we're almost done with 1/8 of my school and it's gone by so fast. The good and the bad. I have 3 hours of lecture left, 3 days of studying, and 1 boss of a final. Then I'll be free for the next 2 weeks! I'll be able to go to Texas, relax, marry the woman I love, and let's face it, I'll get to have sex! Now I know that's the naughty "s" word but hey it's 2 weeks before my marriage I can talk about that. But unfortunately that's not the topic of tonight's blog(although you guys who do read this should stay tuned, that one should be a good on!).

It's hard to imagine that 4 months have already come and gone. I've gone through so much material it's crazy what they force into your brain in medical school. What's even crazier is how much your brain can fit!

The funny thing is I know I only need a mid-high 50s to pass the test, so on one hand I am not worried about it, but on the other hand, I am worried because of all the MCBM tests, this one is the most biochemistry of all. I just want to get through medical in one piece, get a residency I can live with, finish up all my COMLEX tests with passing grades and have a nice life with Kristen. Is that too much to ask? I think not

One day, just need to keep trucking, praying, studying, and seducing Kristen and everything will turn out okay

Randomness

As I sit here wasting time I was wondering if ppl read these or not, well besides Kristen because she's obsessed with me.

Anyway as the last of the weeks wind down for my first semester I am getting more and more fried lol. Of course, but at least it is only one class really left. My basic science class and that is going to end in just over a week. That feels good just saying that, in fact I think I said that out loud just now. 12.5% DONE!

Anywho

My life isn't up to much these days really, in fact I live at the school as usual, going home whenever I need to sleep. I will be glad to be closer to the school, I might be able to walk home from school when I live on Academy, sure save on gas, but then, my routine stop by McDonalds for a McChicken and fries will fall by the wayside... sad

Anyway as you can see I don't have much to say unless you want to hear about phosphorylase kinase or glycogen syntase... probably not

Ok

Test Weekends

When is enough enough? Studying for 50 hours in a weekend is crazy, and I don't know how many times I can do this until I go berserk. I don't think these people want me to help them with student ambassador much longer because I'll basically tell them to run like crazy and never go to medical school because it just isn't worth it to do it. Why submit yourself to all this when in reality being a doctor isn't what most people think. They see the prestige and the honor and all that crap, it's not really all that. It's work, it's a business, it's trying to make due and not get sued because people think that doctors are perfect when they really aren't. Is giving up your life worth this? Of course they only tell you all this stuff after you get out of your undergrad and into medical school itself.

I should have been a business major

Rant

I know I promised all those out there that don't read this , the amazing story of my discussion with Kristen, but sadly this just came up. I learned 15 minutes ago that our scores for MCBM weren't our own. Sadly someone was skipped during the grading and we got someone else's grade after letter L in last names. So basically "my" score wasn't mine, and I didn't really get a good above average grade. Sadly I got 6 point below average and a final score 10% under what I had thought. All because the medical school put grades out a little too fast and totally destroyed my self confidence. I thought I was on par, and on the right road to studying and doing well and suddenly I saw I need to improve and change, doing different things.

I remember the old days of undergrad that if things were done in your favor on accident they wouldn't take that away. I know things are different in graduate school, but I really wanted a good school and now I have a good score - 11%

Screw you medical school, screw you...

If you are offended by my blatant use of those words right there, I apologize. But it's true

The Touch

Yesterday was another day of waking up around just after 7:00 classes until 6:00 and finally leaving the medical school around 11:30. In spite of all this, I still didn't get done reviewing around 120 slides. It's kind of sad that the only way I know that time is passing is because when I leave a studying room for a snack or drink, it goes from light to dark. One can spend hours by them self if they aren't studying in a group. Sometimes it makes one desperate for any sort of interaction or contact with other "human beings". Some days I think it's almost worth paying $50 for a nice massage just to have that 45 minutes of physical contact of another person, as well as it feels really good.

Of all the hardships medical school had promises, the last one I thought would be something like this. Especially since Kristen is only about 2000 miles away. Sadly this doesn't get better from what I hear, even worse for her apparently. 1st I'm a guy, that's already hard for girls since we all know that girls are "different". Built different, different feelings, wants, and needs. None of which seem to be conducive to the medical school environment. 2nd is that of everything that happens these days; it tends to not be about the s.o. and apparently that's a no go for girls for some reason. I don't know why that is, but I guess some people really do believe that it's all about them. (Not that I think it's all about you Kristen of course)

I think I might be rambling just a little bit right about now

Moral of the story is life would be much better if Kristen was here to cuddle with me