Paths

As I get ready for tomorrow I think about where my life has come from and what I am doing. I notice that lots of times I take everything for granted, and wonder where should I really be. As I go in front of a committee tomorrow to present my case I start to question why I am here and if I really want to be. I am slowly losing my desire to push through this all. All the work and money that goes into this, it isn't an easy decision to make about life. I thought I knew what I was getting into. I seem to get to the understanding that life isn't easy, and I know my life is far from tough, but in the corner of my mind I still question.

Not that this life is easy, but I wonder why I am doing this actually. I used to believe that people here cared, and I know that they still do. But on the other hand it seems around here a lot, people try to trick you. To see exactly what you do and do not know is one thing, to try to trick someone over minute details when in the broad stream of what they want you to learn is another. I wish they gave me direction in where to go and what was important. A big part of why tomorrow is happening is because I don't feel I was told. Life is hard right now because I'm not someone used to failure, especially failure when I don't feel my failure is a representation of what I really know. Am I the most knowledgeable person about OMM no I am not, and I recognize that. However I don't think that I know so little as it seems.